Commander Ed Straker reads your stars:
This month, due to the increased activity from the alien foe, I have asked a reliable member of the organisation to give a personal astrological reading for each star sign. He has taken time from his very busy schedule to calculate these readings and I trust that Herald readers will find them satisfactory.
The June Horoscope
Capricorn: 22nd Dec – 19thJan
The weekend is over but that is no reason to stop having fun. Party on while you can. Your boss may not think much of your casual attitude but nobody works harder than you do, apart from the boss himself. This is Space Intruder Detector. Relay your message. Try to remember that taking the occasional break keeps you fresh. If you have an opportunity to go on a short trip do it before the boss gets annoyed and puts a stop to your fun and games.
Aquarius: 20th Jan – 18th Feb
Colleagues may be unco-operative and difficult this month. Little change there then. Grumpy old man syndrome rears its ugly head as one person in particular tries to impose his own standards on you. Thank you – your code is correct. May I have your instructions? Stand your ground and tell him that despite what the computer says, you prefer to make your own judgements about people. You never know, the threat of your resignation might help to make a difference.
Pisces: 19th Feb -19th March
Take this opportunity to travel. If you don’t have much in the way of funds, take the cheap option and grab some holiday brochures and daydream. Or watch a DVD that shows an exotic location. Red Alert I have sighting at 428-382 Green. Mamma Mia is a personal favourite of mine and you can sing along as well.
Aries: 20th March – 19th April
Stressful situations at work make your life difficult. I have positive track bearing Green 349 decimal 2, Speed SOL 7. You might be asked to take on more responsibilities than you think you can manage, but whatever you decide, don’t jump to a decision without considering the ramifications. You have the opportunity to get an additional income from one of two sources, but choose carefully.
Taurus: 20th April – 20th May
If you really want to pursue that romance, you need to reveal your feelings to the person concerned. Speed one and a half million miles a second … Range 32 million miles…..26 million miles………18 million miles…. He probably has no idea that you feel this way and assumes that your recent difficulties at work are due to your inability to perform your duties to the expected standard. If you want to make some headway, invite the object of your affection out to dinner.
Gemini: 21st May – 20th June
Your desire to please makes you a very attractive partner. Ask the man of your dreams what they need to be happy and prepare to fulfil their every desire. U.F.O. maintaining course. Range 8 million miles and closing. Just remember not to laugh too much.
Cancer: 21st June – 22nd July
You need an energy boost right now. Try getting out of the boring routine and exploring new places. Predict interceptors in range 51 seconds. Awaiting missile timing sequence. A misunderstanding may arise over a bequest, but once the dust dies down you will get you fair share. Just make sure that you don’t fritter it away overnight.
Leo: 23rd July – 22nd Aug
Exciting news from a close friend is a good opportunity to go out and celebrate. Other people’s jealousy may threaten your happiness, but smile gracefully and invite them to join you. Interceptors in range 14 seconds. You might enjoy it!
Virgo: 23rd Aug – 22nd Sept
Negative thoughts can fill your head this month, but try to be positive and think of the good things in life. It is easy to be pessimistic but sometimes the glass IS half-full. Detonation confirmed. UFO still on course. It all depends on the way you look at it! Your best friend is there, ready to offer support when you least expect it.
Libra: 23rd Sept – 22nd Oct
An unexpected windfall sends you rushing out to buy a few luxuries. Be discerning though about your purchases. Will your really use that shade of lipstick, or that slinky gold dress? It’s not as if you can wear them for work after all. Better to stick to something practical. A set of spark plugs? Predict U.F.O. on collision course with interceptors. Impact 32 seconds. New strings for your guitar?
Scorpio: 23rd Oct – 21st Nov
You make an excellent impression on someone this month. That chance meeting opens a world of possibilities for professional development as well as personal advancement. You might want to think about starting your own business in the next few months, although the hosepipe ban might have a deleterious effect on your plans to start up a ‘Colonic Irrigation’ centre. UFO changing speed and course. Speed now SOL zero decimal nine.
Sagittarius: 22nd Nov – 21st Dec
Your creative streak comes to the fore in a surprising way. The offers will come flooding in, but take legal advice before signing any papers. An old friend turns up on your doorstep, with unexpected consequences. Money continues to be tight, so be careful with online shopping. UFO passing outer defences. UFO now entering Earth’s atmosphere. Those ‘one-click’ purchases soon add up.