Following recent IAC performance-related targets all operatives are required to complete the following questionnaire to assess their suitability for continued employment.
Please answer truthfully:
1. Commander Straker orders everyone to work overtime to repair the computer system in Control. Do you:
A. Jump for joy and set to work with a big smile
B. Moan quietly but still get cracking
C. Mutter under your breath about the evil despot in the cream Nehru suit and do as little as possible
2. There is a virus on the loose in Moonbase and you are quarantined there for the foreseeable future under Commander Straker’s orders. This means that you will miss the big soccer match ( and you have tickets for it as well). Do you:
A. Fax your best friend, give him the tickets and ask him to video the entire proceedings.
B. Fax your best friend, SELL him the tickets and ask him to video the entire proceedings
C. Hope that you get whatever nasty bug it is that is infecting Moonbase a so that you can pass it onto the smug git in the cream Nehru suit when you finally get back to Earth.
3. Paul Foster pulls a gun on Commander Straker in the Moonbase control room. Do you:
A. Immediately call for assistance
B. Run for the exit
C. Stand there and wonder where the hell he managed to hide a gun in that tight suit
D. Hope Foster undoes the zip a teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeny bit more.
4. Colonel Freeman asks you to join him in a drink in the Commander’s office after work. Do you:
A. Decline politely, saying that drinking on duty is bad for your performance
B. Decline politely, as you know that the bottles are all marked and Straker knows exactly how much is in each one
C. Accept with a grin, and top up the bottles with water afterwards. The tight-fisted git in the cream Nehru suit never drinks the damned stuff anyway.
5. Lt Johnson is celebrating her birthday and has brought a box of chocolates to share among control room staff. It’s a well known fact that the Commander’s favourite ones are the praline ones, but they are your favourites as well. Do you:
A. Take a coffee cream
B. Hope that there are two layers and wait until the Commander has had his.
C. Reach in and grab the praline before the greedy git in the cream Nehru suit gets it.
6. Paul Foster has collapsed in the steam bath at the Research Facility. Do you:
A. Rush in and drag him out before reviving him.
B. Rush in, close the door behind you, make sure it is locked and give him the kiss of life!
C. Go. ‘Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeugh I HATE hairy chests!’ and find someone else to deal with him.
D. Wish it was the evil git in the cream Nehru suit instead, so you could leave him to his fate.
7. Commander Straker hauls you over the coals for an error you made while piloting your Interceptor and which resulted in a UFO breaching Earth’s atmosphere. Do you:
A. Apologise , admit your error and accept your demotion.
B. Request a full psychological evaluation so that the true facts can be ascertained and you will be able to improve your performance.
C. Demand a lie-detector test to prove your innocence to the evil git in the cream Nehru suit (who wouldn’t have done any better himself – he’s flown a desk for the last ten years)
8. You have serious concerns about Craig Collins, who has not been himself since returning from several weeks in a tropical jungle. He is due to fly out to repair SID tomorrow with (the evil git in the Nehru suit) the Commander. Do you:
A. Get Dr. Jackson to do a full evaluation of Collins, having warned the Doctor of your concerns.
B. Mention in passing that Collins seems a little weirder than normal.
C. Look Collins straight in the eyes to wish him a successful mission.
Find out how good an operative YOU are!
Score: 20 for each answer A, 10 for each answer B, 5 for each answer C, 1 for each answer D. Add up your result and look below.
Between 100 and 160? Congratulations. You can look forward to rapid promotion
Between 50 and 99? Not bad, but your commitment is a little thin. You won’t get far up the ladder with that attitude.
49 or less? Dr. Jackson serves a nice cup of coffee. Its time you went for one. (Just make sure you avoid the evil git in the cream Nehru suit on your way.)
I was not sure how to answer, except for questions no. 3 and 6! 3 = answer D (you remember: the zip), and concerning answer C: I think I would have known WHERE he hided his gun .. aren’t so many places in such a tight suit, aren’t they… 6 = no doubt, answer B (wasn’t already the Sleeping Beauty revived by such a loooooong kiss?!) …. and I think I know who of our staff chooses answer C *ggg* (in this case, LtCdr, please call ME, will you?!)
Why there’s no W a the end of the acronym SHADO W would be for worldwide
Which way to Dr. Jackson’s office?