Dear Dr Jackson,
I have been hearing strange high-pitched noises during the night. They wake me up and I am unable to sleep. What is more worrying is that no one else seems to be disturbed by these sounds.I seem to be the only person who can hear them.
Please can you help me?
Elizabeth H.
Dear Mrs H.
High pitched noises at night? Unpleasant, especially as you say that you are the only person to hear these sounds. There are several possible causes for nocturnal sounds such as these, and I will endeavour to solve your query.
A primary cause for sounds in this particular wave length is the presence of bats. Adult humans have a hearing range from 20Hz to about 20kHz depending on your age. In comparison, some bats can hear sounds up to 110kHz, very high-pitched indeed! Bats use this ability to distinguish objects. It is possible that you are hearing the very lowest sounds emitted by these bats and they appear to you as very high-pitched. However, this is not likely to be the cause of your disturbed nights, though it might be an idea to have your attic checked by a qualified Bat Inspector.
A more worrying factor that must be considered is the presence of UFOs in your local region. We know that these craft transmit sounds on fluctuating wavelengths in an effort to confuse our sensors. It is therefore much more feasible that the high-pitched sounds are a means to either brainwash you or possibly to force you to submit to their power.
I will send a crack team of specially trained SHADO troops out to monitor the situation and I will contact you as soon as I get their report but in the meantime I strongly suggest that you remain vigilant at all times. There are some theories that the wearing of a helmet made from tinfoil might be sufficient to break the wavelengths and ensure that you get a reasonable night’s sleep.
I am however, perturbed by your statement that no-one else seems to hear these high pitched sounds. Perhaps they are transmitted at a specific wavelength that is tuned to only your brain? Whatever the cause, you can be sure that I will find the answer.
Dr Jackson.
Urgent Request to Cmdr. E.Straker.
SHADO security team to coded address: 192. SW1A. 2AA. Investigate probable UFO activity in the area.
Message to Jackson:
This had better not be a waste of time and resources Jackson. I want to see your final report.
Cmdr.E. Straker
Dear Mrs H.
Following intensive investigations I am now in a position where I can advise you on your problem. Firstly, the high-pitched noise. As I suspected, this sound is specifically geared to your brain pattern. The continuous whining will eventually break down all your resistance and force you to act despite all your efforts to stand firm.
You mentioned that you are the only person to wake upon hearing this sound. Well again, there is a relatively straightforward solution. A swift elbow in the ribs is usually sufficient to wake the most deeply asleep husband and make him see to the children for once. If a nudge is not enough to wake him , then perhaps you should consider the ultimate strategy. Collect both screaming toddlers from their cots, put them into your bed ( I assure you he WILL wake up then) and then leave him to deal with them, dirty nappies and all. You can catch some sleep on the sofa!
Dr Jackson, Child Psychologist and Parenting Expert
Jackson. The cost of this futile security exercise will come out of your budget.
Cmdr. E .Straker