The newest biometerological report! Save your organs the stress, plan replacements ahead of everyone else!
The Meteorological Office issued the following warning to northern areas Warning:
Severe lows are expected in all areas, following the rapid development of a large depression over the Eastern seaboard. You are advised to remain indoors once the sirens have been sounded. The Government health channel will broadcast continuous comedy programmes in an effort to alleviate the symptoms. Should you, or any of your family become melancholic or morose, contact the Emergency Emotion Helpline. The outlook for next week:
By late tomorrow the depression will have eased to be replaced by showery outbreaks of high spirits moving across from the coast. These will be sporadic however and interspersed with less frequent, yet heavy flashes of rage. Later in the week the weather will moderate and a general calm will settle over the country. Temperatures will vary considerably, from severe anger to placid stillness. The long-term weather forecast predicts a warm welcoming summer, with the odd rumble of discontent.
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