Greetings humans.
In this month’s issue we are pleased to bring our many readers, both at home and on Earth, a wider selection of columns, reports, photographs and life-style articles than ever before. The current editors of the Ed Straker (may his name be reviled through the universe) Herald, have been powerless to stop our cyber experts who have hacked into the Herald’s systems to bring you this most special edition.
For your convenience, all text has been automatically translated into English as we appreciate that our own language might be too difficult for your immature brains to understand.
Our main article this month was written by one of our foremost pilots, Captain Garboard, a brave and dedicated soldier who had over forty successful ‘sorties’ into enemy territory in the past decade. His stirring account will be sure to thrill our readers and bring you a taste of the exhilarating adventures enjoyed by our intrepid explorers who brave the far reaches of our Galaxy in search of the rarest of commodities. We salute their courage and fortitude and wish them well in their ongoing fight against the enemy.
We also publish details of the heinous persons who are responsible for the terrible attacks on our intrepid explorers who so bravely dare the dangers of that far-flung corner to ensure that our race has a chance to survive. Be assured that our forces are, even now striving to eliminate the worst of these criminals. With your help, we may eventually succeed in ending their tyrannical reign.
The Herald will also be posting important announcements from the Government in the News section of this edition. Please ensure that you read these for your information. We suggest that you keep them for future reference.
In our Lifestyle section we have added some recipes that have become firm favourites in recent years, as well as some handy households hints that will help struggling housewives to economise in their use of the ever scarcer resources of our world.
Doctor Jackson’s problem page has been produced by our own highly qualified psychometric assessment team. We hope you find their advice valuable. Please contact us should you require further counselling.
We hope you enjoy our issue. In case of complaint please contact the HomeWorld publishers.
The publishers of the Ed Straker (may his name be reviled through the universe) Herald have no connection with any of the articles or other information contained in this issue.
FANTASTIC, dear Alien No.1! But why did you shock me with this …hhmmm.. strange looking green guy there?! I had almost thrown my PC out of the window, good Lord!!!
Toria. Strange looking? As the leader of our proud and historic world I demand greater respect from a mere human. Be advised. My forces will be searching for you.
Hello Alien Editor No.1! I just read your Gazette and I am very interested in joining your editor-team, because I was fired in my last (err… phone tapping scandal you know). I am very well versed in communication and espionage, perhaps you would like to establish an new boulevard magazine on the earth? My proposal for its name is “News of the Home-World”. What do you think?