Lifestyle
Ed Straker Reads Your Stars
Oh sod it. Make your own star signs this month. I am taking a well-earned break. You require a 6 sided die. Take one section at a time, roll the die to create your own astrological chart for September. A1. 1. Mercury has moved into ascension with Venus in retrograde thus ensuring ……… 2. Venus is moving into conjunction with Mars resulting in ……. 3. Jupiter’s influence on the tidal…
Performance Test – Still into SHADO?
Following recent IAC performance-related targets all operatives are required to complete the following questionnaire to assess their suitability for continued employment. Please answer truthfully: 1. Commander Straker orders everyone to work overtime to repair the computer system in Control. Do you: A. Jump for joy and set to work with a big smile B. Moan quietly but still get cracking C. Mutter under your breath about the evil…
Alec Freeman Reads Your Stars
Colonel Alec Freeman reads your stars: Commander Straker was too busy this month dealing with the recent Herald ‘hacking’ situation, to continue his studies into astrology . However, I used my own personal knowledge to ascertain the coming month’s events for each Star Sign. So here is your August horoscope, with a definite ‘holiday theme: Capricorn: 22nd Dec – 19th Jan Jupiter moves into your sphere this month to play…
S.I.D. – A Speculative History
SID – or to give him his full name, Space Intruder Detector – is the only offspring of Cray XV (mother), Hubble Telescope (father). Sid’s parents met while working on Deep Space Red Shift Exploration in 1976. It was instant love and after a short, but intense relationship the couple coupled. Sid arrived some 20 months later (gestation for electronics is longer than for humans). Sid was educated to PhD…
The HomeWorld Horoscope
This month’s horoscopes: July 2011 Capricorn: 22nd Dec – 19thJan A surprise visitor will startle you later this month. Be prepared for a tall dark stranger at your door, but unfortunately, this will not lead to a long and emotional relationship. You will have a short, sharp shock, but after that there will be nothing further to concern you. Lucky sound. Door bell chimes Aquarius: 20th Jan – 18th Feb…
Hnady Household Hints for the Single Alien Officer: Part 2
More of our own Homeworld Hints! M: Marshmallows: Want a pedicure after all that time in space? Use marshmallows to separate your toes before applying nail varnish! N: Newspapers: Stuff your spacesuit with newspapers and leave it for a few days to remove unpleasant odours. Works well on suitcases and trunks (and transport cylinders). O: Oatmeal: Still suffering the effects of long haul space flight? Dry itchy skin? Here is…
Handy Household Hints for the Single Alien Officer: Part 1
In anticipation of our eventual conquest of the new world, we have devised a list of handy hints that will enable our brave colonists to use all available resources to ensure their survival. These have all been rigorously tested and approved by our scientists. A: Aluminium foil: Toast your own sandwich. Cheese sandwiches wrapped in aluminium foil can be turned into an instant hot and tasty snack by using an…
An Alien Chef’s Look at Shoop and a Favourite
Haggis This is a rare and endangered species from a little explored region of Earth known as Scotland. According to legend, Haggis come in two different species, the ones that can be trapped and the ones that are hunted with nets. Little is known about the creatures although we believe that their pelts are used to make what are called ‘sporrans’. Due to the rarity of the species, the tribes…
This Month’s Special: How to Serve Man
Brains with black butter sauce Ingredients: 3 brains 2 tblspns vinegar, 1 tsp salt 4 peppercorns 4 cloves For the sauce 4 oz butter 2 tsps parsley Soak the brains for 2 hours in cold water, changing the water twice. Carefully remove skin, blood and fibres and wash again Put the brains and other ingredients into a pan with water to cover, bring slowly to the boil and simmer…